Spam, the Bad Kind
Hormel’s ingenious creation, pictured tantalizing to the side of this column, will always have a spot in my pantry, and my heart. Often labeled cruelly as Something Posing As Meat one must admit that if salty pork of dubious origin is your thing, then SPAM is for you. It is in my fondness for this tin-packaged treat that my […]
Jack Be Nimble
I can’t claim to know everything about corporate mascots but I do have some intimate knowledge of at least one of the most famous among them. You see, for five hours one day I was Grimace. He was a strange creature, and of indeterminate species to be sure, yet he was lovable and happy all […]
Zoological Cannibalism
The fable. That time-honored method of telling stories using animals or similar to assist in making the inherent moral lessons go down easier. A good one successfully removes the viewer just far enough from the story to appreciate and ingest the message without threatening deeply held beliefs or prejudices too personally. On that note, perhaps […]
Super Bowl XLI – Part II
I would like to believe that this column is read and enjoyed by millions. I would also like to believe that the titans of the advertising industry look forward to each Tuesday morning, desperate to know my thoughts. And most importantly, I would like to believe that I have a shot at resembling the new […]
Super Bowl XLI – Part I
The Super Bowl was what it was. The pre-game started fours hours before the actual game, Billy Joel sang the anthem, jets flew over, the Bears came out fast, Prince did “Purple Rain”, the Colts galloped back and the trophies were handed out. All in all, a very long day of football and football-related activities, […]
Super Bowl Psycho
One of the larger events in my sheltered and myopic little world is nearly upon us. I am, of course referring to Super Bowl ad time. As a youngster, I quickly discovered that the game itself was almost always lame and usually criminally one-sided, holding little to no actual excitement whatsoever. It was only later […]
Groom That Body Buddy
Masculine identity can be a tricky thing. Believe it or not, but men can be pretty insecure from time to time. I myself had a period that lasted a good eight years where I was totally fearful of being caught with dandruff. The ads made it clear that the ultimate shame was to be seen […]
Coca-Cola Conspiracy
“Hey, look there’s Santa Clause!” “Don’t be a sucker man.” “What are you talking about?” “Dude, you are totally falling for the biggest corporate shill in advertising history.” “Eddy, have you been drinking?” “Seriously Man, Santa Clause was created by the Coca-Cola Company” “Oh come on…” “Dude, don’t be fooled. The fat man is actually […]
The Humble Flyer
I’m certain that in the heyday of the Roman Empire the average merchant used flyers. The concept is moronically simple. A store wants you to come in and buy stuff, so they print a piece of paper highlighting a few things they think are special, interesting or priced low enough that you might just visit […]
Lego Smackdown
“Judging a book by its cover” may not be the best advice when it comes to making friends but it’s one of the most basic principals behind advertising any product or service. Obviously this method of discernment does not always work out in favour of quality, (Mental note: cool cover art aside, “Nerds Like It […]