Dew Drop In

A man and women race through a forest, running for their lives. We then see them through the eyes of some hockey mask-wearing psycho as they try desperately to get away while he breathes slowly and heavily, chasing them to their deaths. The engine noise explodes horrifically as the lunatic revs the chainsaw he is carrying which serves to make his intentions only too clear. He has a chainsaw and he means to use it. The woman stumbles, the man stops and bends down to help just as we come face to face with their relentless attacker – a masked, and crazy, chainsaw wielding….ferret. Across the screen in large type splashes the following:

 

FACT: Ferrets attack more people than grizzly bears.

 

At this point we return to the twisted attack as the screaming escalates and the ferret leans in for the….well, you know. As the camera pans away from the expected grisliness we see this slightly nerdy guy wearing a suit that can only be his father’s. He’s just sort of standing there and watching this twisted scene with an odd sort of open-mouthed excitement. He then turns and informs us in a whisper that if we think such a thing is surprising then we should get ready for this: Diet Mountain Dew has a surprising great taste and none of the calories. He goes on to take a long pull of the Diet Dew just as we see a screenshot telling us “How Dew Does Diet.” It’s aggressive, it’s shocking, it’s ludicrous and it’s totally moronic. Obviously, I love it.

 

The visual image of a ferret chasing anyone is funny enough on it’s own but sticking him in a Jason-mask and giving him a chainsaw? Pure, 100 proof genius. Even the guy in the suit. He has this Steve from Blue’s Clue’s look on his face throughout the ad that suggests he really has no place anywhere at all in this commercial but was hired for reasons we may never know. He is strangely perfect casting to host a series of weird, off-center spots for a slightly fluorescent drink chock full of Yellow Dye #5. His out-of-placeness just works so well.

 

They’ve got another one of these ads based on a similarly weird fact that claims window puppet shows are illegal in New York City. In and of itself this is a truly ridiculous notion to consider. I mean whatever was the genesis of that particular discussed, voted on and council approved rule of law? This ad also features our green suited and ill-fitted friend, this time chilling on the couch and calmly watching the NYPD pull a violent takedown of the puppet performing offender. Bizarre and memorable, without a doubt.

 

Mountain Dew regular always had those crazy extreme sport ads to set themselves apart from the competition. They worked it hard with their “Do the Dew” tag line while poor Diet Mountain Dew suffered for being the “healthy” cousin to a kind of bad boy lemon drink. It’s pretty hard to push an extreme lifestyle and still appear worried about a calorie or two.

 

“Hey dude, you could die doing that stunt, maybe you should have a Mountain Dew first.”

“Thanks compadre but can I have a Diet Dew instead? Those calories won’t watch themselves you know.”

“Dude, I so do not even know you anymore.”

 

It’s nice to see Mountain Dew products re-joining the game in such a cool way. The last memory I have of a Mountain Dew anything was the urban legend claiming it either killed sperm, shrunk one’s manhood or became a deadly poison when mixed with alcohol. Three guesses who might have started that series of rumors. I’m betting it rhymes with loca-fola.

 

Anyway, in my opinion when a product can successfully mash so much straight-faced lunacy into one 30-second spot they deserve my respect, my admiration and my cash. So with that in mind I’ll be heading out to the store and buying me some Diet Dew just as soon as I can get my dad to lend me a suit appropriate to the task.

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